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Havens Used Debt

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Oct. 1st, 2011 @ 09:53 am
Choice can be an evil in itself.

So the life long question of "who we are?" "what we are?"

there was 2 peanuts walking down the street, one was a salted.

tornadoes running everywhere.

the idea of the artist or the struggle.

the mind bending or warping.

is everything already gone.

being postive....easy...being negative....hilarious

random runnings into people

for what reason?

is it random?

growing up? do we change? or does everything change around us

the earth roating on its axis, years passing in days, stirring clear

sounds on the radio

being great...but not letting it controlling you

random ideas....random...or coordinated

just felt like saying some random things, things are pretty great out here in alberta, another winter is on its way, really considering just moving to australia, havent seen my family in years, nor old friends, its funny people would actually make more of an effort to see me out in austraila then here, lol, the irony of life... australia is pretty awesome though, lol, how can you judge that. I'm a work face planner now, planning the work for the boys in the field, Me? an office boy? haha, to funny, the dog days are over

Jun. 14th, 2011 @ 02:38 pm
Victory Loves Preparation.

So its been a couple of months since Morgan broke up with me, and i have rebounded pretty fast. And what i thought was going to be a rebound, ended up being something so much more.

I met this nurse, and we work so much, that we never see each other, i work nights, and she works a nurses shift, which is basically everything under the sun. I haven't seen her in a month and we are still taking this serious.

Its awesome that i haven't lost interest, our first date was on my sisters death day, i don't know if that has any significance, but it was an amazing day.

Then we followed the next day by driving 3 hours to go to the zoo, we didn't make it there till late and almost closing, so there literally was no one their, and if you ever been to this zoo, there is always hundreds of people there.

I really didn't know what romance was, till i was standing there walking around, holding hands with this beautiful women, no one around, and kissing her, i didn't know moments like that existed.

All my relationships have always been in pure convenience, this one is not, and i am excited to see how it will turn out, since we already told each other that we want to take this serious.

Life is wonderful right now, i usually don't date younger women, since they tend not to have their life together, but she is 20 and works more then me. Someone that is going to understand why i work so much, haha, finally.

Well training for this spartan marathon, its going to be a hard battle, but victory loves preparation, and i will give this my 200 percent, my life is starting to make sense again, things are coming together, and everything that is coming together, i have to work for, the un-ambitious youth that i once was, has finally gone, and the man that i want to become has come. I am my own person, and no longer under control of the past that once gripped me with an iron clasp.

And i have accomplished this on my own, with the help of amazing people of course, but I...
am my own person.

May. 9th, 2011 @ 05:47 am

Morgan broke up with me, we both knew it was coming. Ever since my sister died, the relationship never fully recovered. What is sad is that we both knew that we are great friends, but failed at being any other. It feels odd to be dumped, haha, but refreshing at the same time. It's strange that a couple will stay together with such growing resentment. I will miss boogs as well, me and her became besties. She would never sleep in the bed if I wasn't there. And then if I moved she had to move to be right besides me, gawd dang dogs are awesome!

I made out with this chick, who happened to be named Erica. Now the weird part of it is it she looked like Erica strange from the show being Erica. Best show ever by the way, and I have a huge crush on the lead female. I told her this and she loved the show as well, I just love coincidences like that. By the way, end of that story, she ended up being engaged, not one of my finer moments!

Now my life goes on in an awesome positive turn of events, led by feelings of awesome things to come, my confidence is returning. I feel Alive again, no hard emotions holding me back. A time for a world of change.

I just met a new gal, to say the least she is awesome. She makes a difference in the world which is so attractive to me. I asked her out this Friday.

I'd ask you to wish me Luck, but I realized awhile ago that you make your own.
*wink* love life y'all!

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Current Location: Canada, Alberta, Edmonton
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The continuation of it all! Mar. 10th, 2011 @ 05:36 am

So working nights is alright gig, better then when I was laboring! I have a problem with lazy workers though! I can't work with them, and have no patience.

I have a simple philosophy about work, I am not there to make friends, I am there to get the job done to go home and get a pay cheque at the end of week! Getting paid weekly, great thing!

One thing about nights is that you don't have much of a life, done see the old lady very much, the poopie dog is always there waiting for me, haha, terribly great dog, XD.

It's the Sis 31st b day today, and her first b day sober, quite the feat for a Jessome, since I lost a sister, and have 2 parents royally mest up from substance abuse! Go Lisa!!!

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Current Location: Canada, Alberta, Edmonton
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Wassu Jan. 31st, 2011 @ 10:31 pm

Minus 38 with the windchill this morning! And yes I still had to work! They only deem it 2 more degrees chillier, at that temp frostbite can set in what 5-10 minutes!? The ever greatness of those in the office making the decisions in a cozy building! Bah! It's a working man I am!

77 hours a week! No days off for 3 weeks and counting! No wonder relationships fail in the oil patch so often! Your never home!
Besides the point, I am content! Should be doing my first and second year of fitting this year! Tempted to become a rig welder, the 100 an hour is awesome, but never being home, not so much! It's really a choice between money or family!

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Current Location: dawson
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Checking in from northern BC! Weather is friggen brutal up hear! Holla!

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happy death day to my sister, i fail to see what i am to celebrate, fuck you world.
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So awhile back, Morgans little brother, Chase...was telling me about this novel...i am a goon for relatively quick reads, and i love more story orientated "coming of age" perseverance of friendship stories and dynamic life changing decisions.

Then a trailer came out for the book a couple of months later, interested! i got the first 3 books, read them like nobodies business, mistakenly found there where 2 more books. Got one for v-day and the last book i bought yesterday "The last olympian", with a full day of work today, i managed to finish the last book today.

haha, it has been awhile since i have been completely engrossed in a series before.

I heart this series, i gotta keep on searching for series that astound me out of left field. Be interesting to see how they adapt all these novels together, all i have to say is 'EPIC'
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Having for the first time in awhile, a time to reflect, but more importantly a time to heal... i remember feverishly putting in obscure entries in some possibility of grasping something that i didn't feel like i was.

It's funny how when we are younger we have this convoluted way of looking at ourselves, how we can't look outside of our own angst ridden box.

To me it interesting thinking of how different my life could of been, of what path it would of taken if i followed going somewhere else... but i don't allow myself to think of that to much, to much time in the past tends to make you forget the time you are in, i am comfortable with who i am now, more routed.

I seen my psychiatrist today, looks like i will be an anti-depressants for the rest of the year. The guy is actually really interesting... he tells me that he is a bit surprised by me, i tend to be "worldly" and really 'informed' lol, hey i don't mind getting a compliment from a doctored professional.

Something i really never new is that because of my parents genetics that i am pre-disposed to having lower serotonin levels, so when something in my life happens , that causes those levels to drop that i have a hard time dealing with anxiety and stress and depression.

So with much thought, a few conversations with my girl and my bro, who has started taking anti-depressants i was finally convinced to seek help that i was to rebellious to take previous years to this.

Suffice it to say i am confident in my decision.
» (No Subject)
This was one of my striking moments that i have with music, i will end up loving a certain band, and certain songs will grow on me, its all about timing with me, how something will strike out stronger then it did before...love this song and listened to it millions of times, but today it had more significance to me, as i realize why i listen to it so much...life is precious.


When I grew up, everyone was okay with being in a bubble. They were cool in their circle. That's fine. But no one should discourage someone if they have a dream, if they want something more [...] This song was difficult for me to write the lyrics to because it's about my mother and my father, and about the day I said goodbye to them, because I had to go try, and I'm still trying every day, to become a man. So, this song is about that. It's about the moment that you wake up and you decide you want to go for every single dream you ever want. -Brent Smith-

My eyes are open wide
And by the way, I made it
Through the day
I watched the world outside
By the way, I'm leaving out
Today

I just saw Hayley's comet
She waved
Said why you always running
In place?
Even the man in the
Moon disappeared
Somewhere in the
Stratosphere

[Chorus]
Tell my mother,
Tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

Please don't cry
One tear for me
I'm not afraid of
What I have to say
This is my one and
Only voice
So listen close, it's
Only for today

I just saw Hayley's comet
She waved
Said why you always running
In place?
Even the man in the
Moon disappeared
Somewhere in the
Stratosphere

[Chorus]
Tell my mother,
Tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

Here's my chance
This is my chance

Tell my mother,
Tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance
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